Autism - Routine - Visual Thinking - Inclusion

I have had some requests from some people on youtube to do more vlogs on autism/asperger syndrome. I usually chicken out but finally worked up some courage to do some vlogs. This is the first one that I uploaded.

I stared sharing and then started thinking of what my friends have helped me to learn in the last few years and then I started crying my eyes out. Below the vlog I am sharing one of the monatges I made that I would not have learned to do at all without their help. Thank you so much everyone for all you have done for me.






Here is parts 2 & 3 to my Autism - Routine - Visual Thinking - Inclusion vlogs:

Behind The Wall Of Autism

Sitting here thinking of what stops me from talking to people and the thought I had was something like this.....

My autism is my enemy. I hate to word it that way but it is sort of like that.

I need to "fight it" so I can interact with people. It is like a trap sometimes. I remember when I first came on the boards and for a little while my enemy left. I was able to post and interact everyday with people. It was like the door opened. It was so easy. I did not have a hard time interacting with others. It was like a moment in my life that what is so hard was not so hard. Like if autism is a wall between me and others. For a short while the wall went away and I was not isolating.

Thing is I am sitting here trying to figure out what happened. The wall came back a long time ago and I don't know why and I can't figure out how it went down before. I dont know how I got so sociable in the first place.

It is like I was so outgoing. Then KABOOM.. The wall came back up and I can't get it to go away again. Then I am super depressed because I miss all of you. Was it just a fluke that my wall went down since through most my life I have been isolated? Or did something specific happen to make my wall go away? I dont know the answer. But I want to know the answer. I had a place with others when my wall was down. Now I fight to understand how to battle the wall so I can have my place back again.

I am high functioning but even being able to talk means nothing if you cant reach out to someone to talk to them in the first place. I am stuck in my own imagination. I daydream that I am still with you all. With my friends. Its sort of like pretending I am still sociable. I guess that happens from isolation. I deep inside want to be with people but my enemy/autism keeps getting in the way.

There is no cure for this. Only hope for others not to hate me for being like this.

I know just from tonight. My friend Caro took my wall down for me when she called. It must be that because here I am posting away. Its like she pulled me to the other side of the wall and then I am with you guys again.

Autistics needs more Caro's who call us from our world and brings us back to their world. To help us stay in touch with others.

The wall came down tonight and a blog is written. A page in a book that can only be written when my enemy leaves and I can see the others side of the wall and I leap the wall and a glimpse of my world I can then share to all of you. Tomorrow will be another day and another wall and I will be waiting for the next moment when I can share even more of my world.

Maybe one day there will be no more wall and my world and the world of normal will be together. I will be understood by you and you will be understood by me.

The bridge will be there between autism and others and when that happens the battle will be over. So tonight I will share my world with you before this window closes.

Until the next time...

((HUGS to you all))

Kathy/Aspiegirl

The Dictated

THE DICTATED

I was thinking about when did it all change?

Today it seems ok to just openly judge someone. To say we like them or don't like them. To analyze them to death on how we feel they are right or wrong. It is not getting better. It is getting worse. When I was younger if someone did something others did not like we were taught to be respectful. To openly judge them was considered rude. Even if we talked privately it was not ok to shove are viewpoints in others faces.

Even how people talk about how "they feel" the disabled should be treated in some cases totally ignores and disrespects the feelings of the disabled themselves.

When did this change happen. Was it the talk shows? Everyone airing their problems to the public to be dissected to death by society. Watching them be analyzed to death by the Dr. Phils. When did we all start to think we were a bunch of Dr. Phils? Or was it all those reality shows where its ok to judge the weakest link and vote them out if we deem they are not worthy enough. Maybe it happened when we started letting all the therapists think for us and slowly we began to loose are own ability to think for ourselves. Got a problem call a therapists. Well my parents had problems and they struggled through them and used their own minds to solve them. Their therapists were their neighbors and they all leaned on each other and it was free too.

We somehow think we can dictate who is right and who is wrong now. I know its always been like this in little ways but it has gotten much worse. One day the person who others is deciding is wrong and being analyzed to death as not being what others feel they should be may be you. Yes "you" the one reading this post right now.

Well I have been fighting for 3 years or more for my right to use my own voice and my own mind. I don't want the DR Phils of the world being the dictator of my life. I want to be my own dictator. I want my right to think and even make mistakes along the way. I am tired of a world that lost its mind by giving it to those who profess to know what is best. If they are so right in all their answers then why is it getting worse???

I call myself a disabled rights activist. Only because I keep fighting for my rights. One day you may loose yours then you will know what it really feels like to be one of the judged. People want to think for us disabled but I think it is crossing over to the other side = your side. Be careful you may loose your rights if you don't take them back soon. Bad news is you already lost them when you let them convince you that it was ok to be the dictator of others.

It is not inclusion for all. It is exclusion of all except those who choose to play the new game of life. Its not living its is simply existing in a world where your mind is now what others decided it should be.

Today is the day I am willing to say that I am a non-conformist, an autistic misfit, a recluse, a social slug, a geek, and a person who will never stop fighting for my rights to be myself in a world that refuses to accept me. When the world refuses to accept you one day, I hope and pray you have the strength to be what you need to be = yourself.

Old Paths Reborn

Old Paths Reborn

This is my newest Clay drawing and the process I went through to get there. Hope you enjoy.

I have come to learn that the path to relearn art is an art in itself. Several years ago I accidentally stumbled upon a site called the OFC while looking for Clay's new CD. I had no clue at the time that the CD I was searching for would not be released until Clay's version of "soon" played out so I had years to do other things.

I stumbled across blogs and bravely dove into one and posted something like this: "Clay said draw; I can do that." I was sticking my foot in my mouth. You see my version of "soon" is just like Clay's, so xxx4clay had many years to do other things, too.

Just to add, I am slow at jokes and about a year later I said to my roommate that xxx4clay was funny and always on the smut bus. My roommate said, "Duh, what do you think the xxx stands for?" I said, "Oh I get it." It just took a year or so.

Back to the subject. Finally I tried to draw Clay. I had several miserable failures and gave up many times. But then someone spurred me more. Clay's mom Faye saw my art and suggested I do some gift cards.

So off I went and busted my rear to draw them. I made three Christmas cards that were donated, and the proceeds went to TBAF. It sort of motivated me. I hoped that if I could draw Clay, and I could also share this with the Clay Nation.

The Clay Nation is the only group of people I ever met who placed no conditions for including me into their group; and, as a result, I set my own condition and that was to give back.

I never forgot my promise to xxx4clay either. So I sat down and finally drew Clay. Ok, it was not so good. I really could sense that it was not the best. I am not competitive except with myself, so I set out to "self compete." Thanks to some advice from another Clay fan, I was told to go to Linda Huber's Site; and off I went.

I am a self-taught artist who needed a lot of help. I have never known about art supplies or proper drawing materials. I have always just used what I could find at the store. I learned much from Linda Huber's site and was able to carry that forward to my second drawing.

Here is a letter I sent to Linda thanking her for her tutorials on her site:

Hi. Linda. My name is Kathy. I am known as Aspiegirl on Clay sites. I have autism and am high functioning. Or more high functioning than when a child. I used to draw when young (around age 12 or so, not sure of exact age when I just started drawing) but stopped around 10 years ago.

I am a very visual learner and I wanted to thank you so much. I drew two Clay face sketches, and they are the only ones I have done in 10 yrs or more. I came to your site after the first one and watched your videos. I downloaded them and watched them over and over.

Autistic's learn by seeing more than hearing. I wanted to show you what I drew. The one before watching your videos and the one after. I bought a 2B mechanical pencil (after I learned what it was) and used 2B and 3B graphite, better paper, and a tissue a lot like you suggest for "smoothing out."

I used the paper pencil some but was careful because this is new to me and had some trouble with that to get it to do what I wanted it to do.

I don't do graphing. I don't know how. I just measure with a piece of paper and put little dots. Like a dot on one corner of the eye and a dot on the other to get it proportioned right. So I have these little dots all over for spacing. HEEEE!!!!

Here is the drawing I did after your advice and the one I did before. Thank you so much.

((HUGS))

Kathy/Aspiegirl

Below are the "before and after Linda Huber lesson" drawings. The first one I drew before I watched her videos, and the second one is after I watched them. Thank you, Linda; and, most of all, thank you xxx4clay for planting the seed. Thank you to Phyllis, my second mom, for bugging me every day to keep on drawing.

Clickable of my first Clay Drawing

Clickable of AIW Drawing

Kathy

'Come Home' Montage

A New Montage To Share

Well I have finally learned to add some links and blogs to my new or should I say old blogspot. It has sat unused for over a year as I could not figure out all those codes. Thanks to my teacher, Carolina Clay, I have finally been able to actually comprehend some of these confusing and complex coding corridors.

I would like to share my latest montage and am also keeping my blog somewhat basic until I learn more of how to use this site.

My montage is a Clay Aiken montage using video clips and pictures of Clay. The song is "Come Home" performed by One Republic.

This is a tribute to family and parents everywhere and all who take the time to care for others and think beyond themselves and use their voice to create change within our world.

Clay with his mother Faye and brother Brett.

Here is a YouTube player for you to view the montage. I have also provided a Sendspace for anyone who wants to download it.

Come Home

Interesting Bit Of Information

I found out from JustanotherClayfan about the man who wrote this song:

I love this montage, it's just beautiful. I checked to see if Ryan Tedder wrote this song, and he did, according to Wikipedia. He's the guy who wrote OMWH: "Come Home OneRepublic Writer, Producer, Vocals, Keyboards and Guitar."

((Hugs to all))

Aspiegirl/Kathy

Never Stop Dreaming

This is Chloe and me.

We all have dreams and this is mine.

I dream that one day we will all be seen as equals. That the voices of all will be heard. As a person with autism I have found the my voice is very rarely heard other than on forums for others with autism and Clay Aiken forums.

I have a voice as any one else does but in my community my label alone sets me up to be seen as a "non-person" within my community. My voice may be no different than any one else's but it goes unheard because many people think that individuals with disabilities are not capable of having a valid thought that may actually be beneficial in teaching others about "their world" or "their viewpoints" of the world they live in.

Funny. I hear others discuss topics so much like what I have shared and if I say the same thing I am literally ignored by my system. I don't get it at all.

Aspiegirl Awareness, My First Vlog:

Something I feel needs shared.

This may upset some people but Autism Awareness speaks of inclusion then it turns around and almost completely excludes the feelings of the same people with autism it claims to care about. I repeat: They make decisions totally excluding the feelings of the autistic's they claim to support.
They allow no adults to participate on the communities other than a few who conform to their views. This leaves society with a somewhat stereotypical idea that all autistic people are the same. We are not all the same. It is called a spectrum disorder for a reason. We come in all ages and a myriad of functioning levels. We all have needs some may have more needs some less but we do not attain the diagnosis because we are fully functional in all ways. If we were the diagnosis would not be needed at all.

My dream is that if they raise awareness of autism and other disabilities that they also incorporate the feelings and thoughts of the group they are raising awareness of. I want to clarify that most autism awareness public advertising focuses on child based issues which is a good thing but it leaves the public unaware of the fact that autism does not go away when the child grows up. I feel they should also raise awareness to the reality and needs of some adults with autism which by the way used to be the children. We do not magically disappear at the age of 18 we are still here and lack of awareness leaves a false conclusion in the general public that autism is only a childhood issue.

I think it could be a great insight for parents to understand some adults with autism and they could assist them in understanding their children better because the parents can get some first hand accounts from people with autism who may have experienced in their childhood many of the same things their children are experiencing today.

Never Stop Dreaming

The prisoner
imprisoned within himself
finds his freedom when he opens his soul
to the imprisoned of the world.

Never stop dreaming.

Kathy